Genetic Test (The Missing Abba Song)

Genetic Test (The Missing Abba Song)
Music and lyrics by Jonah Rank

Mike Klein: Bass, guitar, background vocals
Michal Mechlovitz: Lead vocals
Jonah Rank: Drums, piano, background vocals
Jessie Winkler: Background vocals

Mixed and produced by Mike Klein and Jonah Rank on July 2 and 6, 2008.

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When my momma Donna had me, she raised me alone. Didn’t even have uncles or aunts.
My closest thing to family were the Dynamos: Tanya and Rosie who wore tight pants.
My momma Donna sang with them a very long time ago – I would say about twenty years.
Since then though she hasn’t done much but sing ABBA songs and be negligent, rich, and drunk on beers.
The real plot began though when I found my momma’s diary and I read just a bit of it.
I shared it with Lisa and Ali, my two only friends; they agreed it says I’m illegitimate.
On July 17th or August 4th I was conceived – or maybe even August 15th
Because Harry Bright, Bill Austin, and Sam Carmichael dot dot dot… whatever that means.

I know I’ve got no brother,
Zero sisters, and one mother.
But now I want to know the rest.
I’ll give my blood, my skin, my hair or even amniotic fluid
Or any other tissue that will do it.
And tell me who’s my daddy through a genetic test.

This might not seem to you like much cause for commotion, but you see I kinda wanna marry this guy.
I don’t know what his last name is cuz he lacks personality, but I know his first name is Sky.
In fact, my potential fathers—Harry, Bill and Sam—are the only people with last names I know.
It’s not my fault though that no one has last names mentioned; just, Catherine left them out of the show.
So, the peak of conflict comes when I invite my potential dads to my wedding.
But at their arrivals, they each suspect they are my dad cuz back then, they were getting real high, I’m betting.
Yet I find their stupid stupors aggravating cuz I want my dad to give me away as a bride.
There’s no conflict resolution; we all just get confused, and no one’s left with any secrets to hide.

I know I’ve got no brother,
Zero sisters, and one mother.
But now I want to know the rest.
It’s more than trust or love this woman needs
And more than English-language pop songs sung by Swedes
As I find out my dad through a genetic test.

I know I’ve got no brother,
Zero sisters, and one mother.
But now I want to know the rest.
If this confusion means my wedding just won’t be fun
Let’s call off the wedding and ask for a refund
Cuz I need money, money, money for a genetic test.

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Copyright protected by Jonah Rank: 2008.