All songs mixed and produced by Jonah Rank in the latter half of 2005.
Copyright protected by Jonah Rank: 2005.
1. HandlesMusic by
Jonah RankJonah Rank: piano
2. Stop the Presses (It's Britney Spears)Music and Lyrics by Jonah Rank
Jonah Rank: piano, bass, drums, percussion, vocals
There were major headlines in the news today.
It turns out that Britney Spears is breathing still.
I was thinking for a minute that she wasn’t okay.
We all had our hopes up. It seems we forever will.
They’ve been suspecting for a while that there’s something up her sleeve.
And people said jokingly, she simply has arms.
They had photos of everything so that we’d believe.
So, the media exposed all of her body parts.
Stop the presses! It’s Britney Spears!
She’s been educating our country for so many years.
She’s taught us it doesn’t matter what you wear
Because whenever she gets dressed, it’s like there’s nothing there.
She wants to make a bright future for our nation.
She wants to be a role model for little kids.
She wants girls to think about moral valuation.
She smokes, she drinks, she curses, and she practically strips.
Stop the presses! It’s Britney Spears!
She’s been helping out our country for so many years.
She’s shown us how to live as a happy singer.
If she sees her fans, she’ll give the middle finger.
Britney Spears wants to help out the world.
So, she’s kissed Madonna and has been photoed basically nude.
Through CDs, she makes millions from perverted boys and girls.
She buys cars and houses and ignores starving kids who need food.
Stop the presses! It’s Britney Spears!
She’s been robbing our country for so many years that
She could purchase Ben Affleck and Richard Gere
And still buy something twice the price of J. Lo’s rear.
She teaches kids it’s okay for women to be slaves.
She’s basically encouraged that women be abused.
Her philosophies are complex, whatever she’s trying to say.
She’s not a girl, nor woman; just a human who’s confused.
Stop the presses! It’s Britney Spears!
She’s been messing up our country for so many years.
She’s been to the Grammies and acts like she holds some world title.
But I highly doubt she’d make it on American Idol.
Stop the presses! It’s Britney Spears!
She’s been destroying our country for so many years.
She cannot sing on key, but she thinks that that’s okay because
She’s spent her life believing computers make her sound great.
Stop the presses! It’s Britney Spears!
She’s been demolishing our country for so many years.
She lip synchs through her concerts thanks to pre-recorded tapes
When she tries, she can’t hit high notes hit by Justin Timberlake.
3. Living Life DifferentlyMusic and lyrics by
Jonah RankAl Hoberman: bass, acoustic guitar
Jonah Rank: organ, electric guitar, vocals
He was sitting all alone in the dark underneath a tree.
He wanted to tell someone something, and I think he intended me.
He was trying to find out how to find value in that which he could place his pride.
He’s been living life differently since she died.
Her sister saw the media’s brutality beat her sentimentality, staying outside her house for days.
She saw the tangible past cast an amnesia spell that fell upon her and her family enduring during its extensive phase.
She saw reporters torture her and false friends pretend that they’d befriended her but really add to the reasons she cried.
She’s been living life differently since she died.
He sees it’s the efficiency of the difference he intends to send that matters in the end.
He knows that life must be lived, so he tries to give help to anything that he knows that he can mend.
He likes relating through sound playing for kids, extricating kids from disabled situations they’re in, and he can’t hide
That he’s been living life differently since she died.
Her sister hates the papers and the fakers and the makers of the fabricated facts.
She now must battle with the matters of the manners of the subjects of the impacts.
She stays on, breaks on, wakes on, and takes on her hobbies her sister tried.
She’s been living life differently since she died.
He loves the proof of youth through the truth in purity’s security that he can find.
He can’t conceive or perceive or believe he’d been deceived and lived for so long being so blind.
He wants to make the most of all the consequences implied.
He’s been living life differently since she died.
Her sister’s emotions in commotion, like her heart in an ocean, were floating away.
She hates how humans are misconstrued and abused and just used for another headline and story in Newsday.
She weaves, heaves, breathes, and sees life from a new side.
She’s been living life differently since she died.
He now aspires, desires, and requires to be like her and live a life that’s full of a soul.
She looks through books with lists of what her sister missed, believing she’s relieving and achieving her own and her sister’s goal.
They get on with their own lives and decide to conclude and include the attitude that’s gone as their guide.
They’ve been living life differently since she died.
4. PineappleMusic by
Jonah RankJonah Rank: piano, electric piano, organ, guitars, bass, drums, percussion
5. Stand AloneMusic and lyrics by
Jonah RankJonah Rank: piano, guitars, bass, drums, percussion, vocals
When she and I walked together today,
I suddenly felt pushed aside.
She’d been trying to dig out what she wanted me to say,
But it somehow stayed inside.
I thought that she was me
Right down to every bone.
But, now I think I see
I’ll have to stand alone.
When she and I talked to each other today,
I thought she’d see what I’ve realized.
But, she had gone a separate way,
And she believed some of society’s lies.
It often seems peculiar
To believe against a throne.
But it does seem quite familiar
To know to stand alone.
When she and I sulked together today,
I was sad to see her cry.
She said she didn’t know where our futures lay,
And it made me wonder why.
Now I have to understand
How to understand my clone.
Though, I don’t know where I stand,
I often stand alone.
Though it might be by the bay,
Or it might be on the phone,
I’m still waiting for the day when she and I
Will together stand alone.
6. Accordions HurtMusic and lyrics by
Jonah RankJonah Rank: accordion, guitars, bass, drums, triangle, percussion, vocals
There was a man who wore a frown
Everything that happened would bring him down.
He was a masochistic man who tried to hurt his spine.
He surpassed the preliminary wearing of a “Kick me” sign.
He often dreamed of suicide.
But he knew that he deserved to live, so he never tried.
He’d go wrong with a knife, and he’d go wrong with a gun.
In the end, he chose to hurt himself with an accordion.
He walked in the cold, and he walked in the heat.
He watched drivers stare at him and heard cars beep.
He felt vulnerable just crossing the street.
Life threats came from the drivers in each van and in each jeep.
Accordions hurt a lot more than you’d think.
They make your spine feel pain and make your reputation stink.
They make your hands feel tight and make your ego shrink.
Accordions hurt a lot more than you’d think.
He had some friends whom he had lost.
Circles moved away from him when there were lines he’d crossed.
His attempts at a social life would always fail
When people heard his accordion wail.
He was scrutinized like a specimen from a foreign land.
He was slandered and gravely given bad raps.
He was banned from socialization, just like he’d planned.
People looked away when they saw his keys suspended by straps.
Accordions hurt a lot more than you’d think.
They make your spine feel pain and make your reputation stink.
They make your hands feel tight and make your ego shrink.
Accordions hurt a lot more than you’d think.
If you ever want to be alone,
If you ever want to have nobody near you,
If you ever want to be notoriously known,
Take out an accordion, and let everybody hear you.
He made the most annoying sounds anybody’s ever heard.
He made a repetitive vibration of some Polish polished chords.
He made himself out to be the biggest nerd.
He could have made himself the victim of daggers and swords.
Accordions hurt a lot more than you’d think.
They make your spine feel pain and make your reputation stink.
They make your hands feel tight and make your ego shrink.
Accordions hurt a lot more than you’d think.
7. Spirit and ReliefMusic by
Jonah Rank
Jonah Rank: piano8. Und Alle Das JazzMusic by
John KanderOriginal lyrics by
Fred EbbLyrics translated by
Jonah Rank
Jonah Rank: piano, bass, drums, vocals
Komm mein schätzchen.
Werden anstreichen die Stadt
Und alle das Jazz!
Ich werde röten meine Knien
Und werde absenken meine Kniestrümpfe
Und alle das Jazz!
In Gang setz das Auto
Ich kenne ein wupie platz
Wo das Bier ist kalt,
Und das Klavier ist warm.
Es nur ist ein laut Saal
Mit einer nächtlich Schlägerei
Und alle das Jazz!
Glätt dein Haar.
Deine Schuhschnalle hab an
Und alle das Jazz!
Ich ihrfahre dass Vater Dip
Werde blasen den Blues
Und alle das Jazz!
Halt fest, Liebling!
Werde umarmen!
Ich kaufte ein Aspirin
In Anschluss Rauschgift.
Falls du auseinanderbrichst dich
Und willst einen nagelneu Beginn
Und alle das Jazz!
Ach! Ich werde bezeugen mein schieba schimmie erschüttert. (UND ALLE DAS JAZZ!)
Ach! Sie wird flattern bis ihr Strumpfband wird auseinanderbrechen.
Weis auf ihr wo sie kann parken ihren Gürtel.
Ach! Das Blut von ihrer Mutter wird gerinnen
Wenn sie erfährt dass ihr Baby ist komisch für
Alle das Jazz!
Find auf eine Flasche.
Wir spielen schnell und lose und alle das Jazz.
Hier ist vo ich beibehalte den Saft Und alle das Jazz!
Komm mein Schätzchen.
Wir werden bürsten den Himmel.
Ich wette dass Glücklich Grettel
Nie flöge so hoch.
Denn in der Stratosphäre,
Wie sie kann anbieten ein Gehör zu
Alle das Jazz?
Nein, ich bin die Frau von keiner.
Doch, ich liebe meine leben
Und alle das Jazz!
DAS JAZZ!
9. As If The New York Times Were the Gospel TruthMusic and lyrics by
Jonah RankJonah Rank: piano, bass, guitar, drums, percussion, vocals
“All the news that’s fit to print”,
Reads a little line in whose direction you can glint.
But, it’s just another medium for corruption to go through.
If you read it and believe it, there’ll be more people whom you can subdue.
You can construe its liberal view and
Read it askew as it wants you to.
Its slate’s not new, and it continues to accrue.
Though it’s socially taboo, you can bid it adieu.
And even though you should know anyone can advertise lies in a newspaper booth,
It seems like everyone’s reacting as if The New York Times were the gospel truth.
You can read about something happening in Hong Kong.
They can come on strong. You can read along.
The article might be long and from a ravishing prong.
And for all you know, the news is all wrong.
And even though you should know that propaganda in the media is hardly uncouth,
It seems like everyone’s reacting as if The New York Times were the gospel truth.
With Republicans and Democrats being spoken of like races,
Newspapers erase personalities and faces,
And red and blue take away inner conflict from places.
All papers find reality which disillusionment replaces.
And even though you should know the word can be wrong from Ellis Island to Duluth,
It seems like everyone’s reacting as if The New York Times were the gospel truth.
They can take religion’s rectitude and redefine sin.
They can slip in subliminal stereotypes and characterize kin.
They can take a photo and put the wrong caption in.
And it’s even happened front page much to The New York Times’ chagrin.
And even though you should know that inaccuracy can result from a writer’s vermouth,
It seems like everyone’s reacting as if The New York Times were the gospel truth.
You should know how journalists can plow
Anything they want you to kowtow,
You need not bow to ambiguity that language might allow,
And you should proudly and loudly avow what you disavow.
And even though you should know that people can be wrong in their youth,
It seems like everyone’s reacting as if The New York Times were the gospel truth.
There’s a bias against the pious and most of the population.
There’s inaccurate generalization and covert democratization.
It’s a manifestation of orientation
Of patent discrimination with no reservations.
And even though you should know anyone can lie between one and another tooth,
It seems like everyone’s reacting as if The New York Times were the gospel truth.
You might not ignore the stories galore
About some war which some might abhor
Furthermore, you want to know what the war’s fought for.
And the New York Times may implore that that you do not explore.
And even though you should know that papers are sold for money – not for pity or ruth,
It seems like everyone’s reacting as if The New York Times were the gospel truth.
The New York Times has its ethicist declaring wrong from right.
Anyone can arbitrate random morals and learn how to write.
You don’t need to believe everything you see on paper and read.
There’s a lot of people who have the true stories which you need.
There’s no bases for opinions that many writers adduce.
There’s no logical argument that many articulate opinionated people produce.
Usually situations are simplified by the wording of the news.
And they’re usually told with preconceived notions and views.
You may respond to the words like they’re some stratospheric lyric,
But the Pyrrhic paragraphs are satiric.
And the information covered is barely hemispheric.
In fact, the journalist’s job is vicariously vampiric.
And even though you should know that not one of their writers is nearly a sleuth,
It seems like everyone’s reacting as if The New York Times were the gospel truth.
10. Nobody Needs to Like YouMusic and lyrics by
Jonah RankJonah Rank: piano, drums, bass, keyboards, vocals
You'’ve lived a long time being unkind and cruel.
People try to avoid you, but you still think you’re cool.
You hate all guys, and you hate all girls.
Sometimes, I think you just hate the world.
Now, listen, I don’t want this to suddenly alarm you.
But, everybody else seems to want to harm you.
And, if you were a singer, then nobody’d like to mike you.
But, as the situation is, nobody needs to like you.
The neighborhood knows to stay far away.
Most people get offended by most things you say.
You make generalizations that are generally wrong.
No one can tolerate you for all that long.
Well, all the dogs around in town seem to want to bite you.
And, all the pyromaniacs claim to want to light you.
And, if you were a nation, every army’d like to strike you.
But, as the situation is, nobody needs to like you.
You strive to be notorious in every single place.
So, every institution and location knows your face.
You accuse people falsely and hurt people without reason.
You abuse people casually and sin in each season.
Well, if you were in a science lab, the students would dissect you.
Even homeland security doesn’t want to protect you.
And everyone just seems to strongly dislike you.
But, as the situation is, nobody needs to like you.
People would like you if you showed them respect.
But, you should know how to act and what to expect.
Be kind to your neighbors, and they’ll be kind to you.
And, if you’ll be a jerk to them, they’ll all be jerks to you too.
Well, if you were in a social hall, nobody’d like to meet you.
But, if you were in a dining hall, everybody’d like to eat you.
And if you were a drink, everybody’d add poison and spike you.
But, as the situation is, nobody needs to like you.
11. It's ChangedMusic and lyrics by
Jonah RankJonah Rank: electric piano, drums, bass, percussion, harmonica vocals
All your life, your life has seemed odd,
But it’s recently seemed really strange.
You understand all the jokes they tell
But you don’t laugh at a word they say.
It might seem that everything’s held back,
Or that nothing is now restrained.
You’re not sure what, while you’re sitting back, but you know that it’s changed.
You eat your food to live you life,
But it’s getting harder to feel pain.
Though you enjoy the better bread,
It’s all starting to taste the same.
They’re the same few chords, you know, that go to
Make up every song that you think is played.
You're not sure what, while you're sitting back, but you know that it's changed.
If your rejection in ejection
From election holds the price you pay,
Then, know, that when you pay the fine,
It will all be fine, oh, it will be okay.
But, don’t you think it’s better to sit down
Than join any causeless raid?
You're not sure what, while you're sitting back, but you know that it's changed.
You’ve only got ten fingers, yet
You’re already counting down the days.
Through your impatience,
It feels like the routine of every date.
You know, that though, it’s coming soon,
It might not seem to be worth the wait.
You're not sure what, while you're sitting back, but you know that it's changed.
It’s sometimes good to be crazy,
But that they’re too lazy to say.
They see and fear the difference between
The snow and the pouring rain.
So, excuse me, please, if you have a problem
With you believing that I’m insane.
You're not sure what, while you're sitting back, but you know that it's changed.
You’re waiting for some knight to fight
Some beast that you want slain.
But, when he jumps onto the stage you paid for,
You pull him off with your cane.
It’s a distressing thought at first, I know,
But, just remember that that idea’s not main.
You're not sure what, while you're sitting back, but you know that it's changed.
In your state of shame, you wait
For the date of your mate to reign.
At this rate, you think it’s late, but
I don’t really see the bane.
You think someone might be at the gate,
But then all of the voices start to fade.
You're not sure what, while you're sitting back, but you know that it's changed.
When you’re tired, you want to
Declare it the end of the day.
You look back on the memories,
But they have all been stained.
You think you’ve learned all of the words,
But all you know’s the refrain.
You're not sure what, while you're sitting back, but you know that it's changed.
12. Boring SongsMusic and lyrics by
Jonah RankJonah Rank: piano, organ, bass, drums, guitar, trumpets, violins, vocals
Lightly playing chords under mediocre words about
Love or flowers or sadness or birds
And feeling sentimental in a way that's detrimental,
Singers should have fears they're ruining their careers because
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that just go on and on and on.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that make everybody yawn.
A singer can croon or sing or shout or do whatever need be done to let feelings out
About something nobody cares about.
Wishing the singer were feeling fine, the singer can begin to whine.
The singer need not care if the listeners mind.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that just go on and on and on.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs where songwriters just went wrong.
Nobody wants to listen about the people the singer's been kissing
Because, to everybody else, it barely would matter.
If the listeners choose between hearing singers' fantasies and catching a disease,
Everyone would choose the latter because
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that just go on and on and on.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that make the listeners wish they were gone.
Singers think when they sound sad, nobody will care if they sound bad.
They hope the audience will weep.
Singers singing sad songs never think about why everyone's getting up to get drinks
While the listeners who aren't are falling asleep.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that just go on and on and on.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs of which nobody's ever fond.
Blah blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah blah...
A singer on a stage beneath a dome sings a tone that feels alone
Because the whole audience went home.
When people see a singer singing with soul, they think that the singer sings well,
But why don't the singer's singles ever sell? It's because...
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that just go on and on and on.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs for pros that always get seen as cons,
Songs where the tempos are slow,
Songs where the vocals go low,
And songs where the vocals go high,
Especially for a guy.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that just go on and on and on.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that just go on too long.
Everybody hates really boring songs:
Songs that just go on and on and on.
Everybody hates really boring songs -
Everyone except for your mom.
13. Poorly Hidden TrackSong title: Mi Gato Tiene Un ElefanteMusic by
Mike Klein, Noam Londy, and
Jonah RankLyrics by
Jonah RankMike Klein - guitar, synthesizer
Noam Londy - drums, percussion
Jonah Rank - vocals
No hablo español – no, no.
No hablo español – no, no.
Pero, mis padres:
Mis padres dicen que hablo español
Pero no hablo español.
No hablo español.
No hablo español.
¡No no no no no!
No hablo español
Yo tengo un perro.
Mi perro, el habla español.
Mi perro habla español
Con mi gato.
Y mi gato y mi perro, ellos hablan español.
Y todos mis amigos,
Mis amigos, ellos hablan español.
Mis amigos buenos,
Mis amigos buenos hablan español.
Pero mis amigos pequeños, mis amigos pequeños no hablan español.
Y mis amigos grandes, mis amigos grandes no hablan español.
Pero tengo tres amigos,
Y mis amigos hablan español.
Pero, yo tengo un gato,
Y el gato tiene un elefante.
Ellos hablan espanol.
Mis amigos buenos hablan español.
Mi perro habla español.
Mi gato tiene un elefante.
Y el elefante es elegante.
El elegante elefante habla español.
Él habla espanol.
Hui!
¡Hable español!
¡Hable español!
